The Checklist on How to Comfort (and Survive) a Girl on Her Period

It has arrived!

For the past few days I could already feel it coming; the distant drumming on my ovaries like some sadistic primitive tribe declaring war long before the battle officially starts. But now the wait is over. It’s here.

And if you’re in a relationship with a girl, then you just may need to read the below checklist to know how to comfort a girl on her period (and survive it happily).

And whilst constantly analyzing and managing the crime scene “down under”, popping codeine like candy trying to get the spastic throbbing to dial down, crying over an ad of a man holding a puppy and biting the head off of the telemarketing guy who called in the middle of my lunch break…

and then…

I get home to the love of my life only to get told that I “need to relax”.

Cue the sound of emergency brakes and gasps from a shocked audience, because let me break it down for you; that definitely falls under the category of what NOT to say to a girl on her period.

So in an effort to spare your life and avoid some serious jail time, I will offer you the following advice on how to handle a girl on her period:

The “How To Comfort A Girl On Her Period” Checklist

How To Comfort A Girl On Her Period Over Text

There is nothing like someone showing they care and that they are thinking of you whilst you are feeling crappy.

A mere “How are you feeling?” or a simple “I love you” can turn my day around.

What Not To Say To A Woman With Pms

This is where things get tricky because it can become quite an extensive list.

The general guideline to remember here is not to speak at all unless it’s something romantic on a Ryan Gosling scale or you offering to wash the dishes and pack our lunches for the next day.

A few absolute ‘no-no’s’ would be; “It’s not that bad”, “gross” and “I’ll talk to you when you’re rational again”.

What Not To Do When Your Girlfriend Is On Her Period

If you want to see another day, don’t tease me by comparing my menstrual cycle to the transformation phase of Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk.

And this is not the time to finally settle the toilet paper debate regarding over or under.

What To Do When Your Girlfriend Is On Her Period Long Distance

Distance doesn’t mean you get to do nothing and have an excuse not to be attentive.

Give me a video call so I can tell you all about my aching abdomen and why Sarah is a b$^&#ch.

And for the love of Pete, don’t give me advice or minimize the situation – just LISTEN.

How To Tell Whether Your Girlfriend Is On Her Period

This is fairly easy; biologically we get our periods every month at more or less the same time. So if you know how a calendar works, you’ll already have a pretty good idea whether I’m on my period or not.

DON’T prescribe any/all my emotions (especially when I’m angry at you) as “Oh! That time of the month, huh?”

Do Periods Change A Woman’s Mood?

Let’s put it this way; if you had a cocktail of various different hormones suddenly coursing through your veins why would your moods NOT be affected?

How Does A Girl Feel When On Her Period?

I can go into extremely graphic detail about how sensitive and painful your boobs get, the feeling like your ovaries are going to jump out of your back like that famous scene in Alien and the flow that will constantly keep you guessing whether it really was just your period or whether you just pee’d a little.

But all you really need to know is that it’s not our favorite time of the month and you need to handle with care.

Is It Rude To Ask If A Girl Is On Her Period?

Yes.

Unless you’ve found a specific clue that actually leaves no doubt and you’re simply asking me this question to show kindness and concern you’re at risk of having a situation like asking someone who put on some weight whether they are pregnant.

And those never end well.

To Sum It All Up

If you take heed of my advice, not only will you survive the tumultuous and treacherous waves of the monthly menstrual storm, but you just might find paradise when reaching dry land (no pun intended).